Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Reflections on People

Today my mother told me to stop being so idealistic.

I have never really considered myself an idealist, more of a realist, but that’s beside the point.  I had gone to my doctor today to receive the results of my MRI and was appalled by the demeanor of my doctor.  He had seemed a bit cold during my first visit there but I had put it off on the notion that perhaps he was having a bad day.  However today he slunk into my room with the same apathetic look on his face, he did not make eye contact, he never smiled or tried to initiate any sort of conversation, he didn’t even show me my MRI films.  Instead he sat in his chair and crossed his legs, allowing one of his loafers to dangle off his foot while he rushed through my list of options, brushing off any questions or concerns I had as unimportant.  The man spent about 5 minutes with me, wrote a prescription then stood at the counter and joked around with a colleague while I stood there waiting for him to write a note about my limitations for work.

Do people not become doctors anymore because they genuinely want to help people?  Are they only in it for the money and the prestige of the title?  I honestly think that he cared more about what he was having for lunch today than if I can ever walk normally again.  So if my mother thinks I’m an idealist for expecting my doctor to at least be polite and pretend to care then this world has become an even more cold and horrible place than I had initially thought and I don’t think I’m going to procreate, why bring children into a world where no one cares?

On another note, Adrian was kind enough to come over today and help me move my furniture and belongings into the larger bedroom that my sister vacated since moving downtown earlier this month.  It was a very kind thing of him to do, especially since I’m unable to do the lifting myself at the moment (maybe the world isn’t ALL bad?).  Anyways, my parents came home and started on dinner, and I did nothing to imply that Adrian would be staying for dinner, but my mother blew up at me regardless saying that I made her look bad and that I needed to give her more notice if I would be having people over (please note that my mother suggested Adrian helping me do this today).  So I left, angry and embarrassed and took Adrian out for food on me as a thank you for helping me out.  Later this evening my mother “apologized” for her outburst but told me that I was rude to think that Adrian could just stay for dinner without any notice.  I politely pointed out that she, like always, made too much food anyways and that there would have been more than enough for a guest, and also that since he had been kind enough to help out around the house it would have only been polite to offer.  This of course made her upset again and she told me that it’s not expected to provide food for guests all the time.  And of course since I can’t keep my mouth shut I told her that if this was my house I would have made sure he had something to drink (she never offered that either) and I would have insisted he stay for dinner to thank him for helping out.  This of course made her even more upset so I dropped the issue and went upstairs to continue putting things away.

But I have to ask, is it not polite to offer at least some sort of refreshment to a guest, especially if the guest is performing manual labor (i.e. moving heavy furniture upstairs)?  Again, maybe this is just another indication of the downward spiral of society?  Gone are the days of making iced tea and lemonade for the gardeners or offering the neighbor boy who helped mend the fence to stay for supper.

A final point on a similar matter is the issue of friendship.  I’ve noticed that as we age friendships become even more fleeting.  While my social circle once contained upwards of twenty people I’m now lucky if I have 2 or 3 people I can truly call friends.  I realize that we now have more responsibilities, but is that any reason that you can’t take the time to return a phone call or an email from someone who is supposed to be your friend?  So many people who used to be my best of friends, who I’d gossip with over drinks, go shopping with or go out dancing with are now wrapped up in their own little worlds that they can’t even take five minutes out of their day to make a phone call or a text message to catch up.  I have friends that I was inseparable with; who I haven’t seen in six months or more and the only way I catch up with them is by checking for updates and pictures on their MySpace or Facebook page.  And it makes me sad.  Sad to think that friendships can be so fickle.  That I’m so unimportant in your life.  That I mean so little that when you hear that I’ve gone to the hospital and that I’m getting MRIs you can’t even find a moment to ask if I’m alright.  Or that my birthday is next week and you haven’t even asked if I had any plans.  It’s not my intention to guilt trip anyone or get a rush of messages from people who “care” because I’m sorry but a message in response to a blog inspired by guilt is not what I’m after.  I don’t want messages from people telling me how busy they’ve been saying let’s catch up soon because you know what it never happens.

The world has become a horrible place.  And the people who live in it are self absorbed, rude and greedy.  And to be honest I think I’m better off alone.  At least I know the books I read are works of fiction; it’s a hard reality when you realize that the relationships you thought were real were nothing more than figments of your imagination.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


So my back problems have flared up again.  I had an MRI this morning and I'm at home, heavily medicated (Oxycotin aka "hillbilly heroin" and steroids) in pain propped up by a pile of pillows armed with my laptop and OnDemand tv.

To be honest this sucks.

I really like my new job and missing work this early in doesn't look good and I hate it.

But I can't move.  I tried to get out of bed this morning for over an hour before finally surrendering to the pain and calling it quits.

I already know that I have a herniated L4 and L5 vertebrae which pinches my sciatic nerve causing pain and numbness on the right side of my body.  Although now with this flare up the pain and numbness has spread to my left side and I'm having issues supporting my weight (i.e. my legs give out and I topple over when I sit) and my doctor is very concerned.

He said at this point physical therapy isn't going to help and medication will only temporarily ease my symptoms (although if my current situation is any indication its already not working).

I'm worried that he's going to tell me that surgery is my only option....which would suck....I can't afford to be laid up for three weeks.

Anyways...I'm just venting...this is such a shitty situation.

Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to talk about later.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Stuff I like

Well I don't know if anyone actually reads this thing but I thought I'd compile a list of things that I like, I used to do this a long time ago in paper journals and they were good reflection, I look back at some of them now and see how my tastes have changed, so I figured with my birthday next month and 2008 about 3/4 of the way over that I would make a new list, one to look over later and see how much I've grown.

-sushi:  doesn't matter what kind I love it, its my favorite food I swear I could eat it 3 meals a day

-Barack Obama:  the first candidate I've honestly liked in a long time, yes he has faults-he's human but I believe he can bring the change he says he will.

-Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog:  pure genius I can't get enough! www.drhorrible.com

-The Guild:  another amazing webseries, about a group of people who play MMORPGs together www.watchtheguild.com

-Twitter:  ah twitter, my most used website who would have thought that little posts or "tweets" could be so addictive!  www.twitter.com (if you want to follow me search for DirtyMartini)

-TwitterBerry:  this goes hand in hand with the above, but allows me to update and check my Twitter from my Blackberry which only makes my Twitter addiction easier to satisfy.

-My Blackberry:  where would I be without it, it keeps track of everything. lets me surf the web, update twitter, find cheap gas...the possiblities are limitless!

-PerezHilton:  oh my guilty pleasure, I don't know if its the gossip or the doodles on celebrities faces, Perez has the best commentary when it comes to the world of hollywood gossip www.perezhilton.com

-Skype:  my new favorite messenging service, IM or call it allows me to stay connected with my friends no matter where they are located in the world.

-Hulu:  I love, love, love this website!  It gives my DVR a break and allows me to catch up on my favorite shows (and find some new ones) wherever I want (with wifi and my laptop) www.hulu.com

-Nintendo DS:  god this thing is like crack to me, enough said.

-Carrot Cake cupcakes:  yummy little cakes, delicious and sort of nutritious right? Carrots! LOL

-Google Chrome:  has replaced Firefox as my favorite browser, I love the simplicity of it and yeah its just amazing :)

-Dark Horizons:  the website I go to for the lastest updates on movie and tv news www.darkhorizons.com

-Twilight Series:  such an interesting take on the vampire genre, yes I know its a young adult series, but something about the characters is so captivating, I can't wait for the movie

-Diry Martini's:  my cocktail of choice, absolute or grey goose vodka with plenty of olive brine so yummy...shaken not stirred ;)

-Pandora:  a website I've used for years and still love, the self described "music genome project" has taken some of my favorite artists and shown me some related artists I might like www.pandora.com

-Thai food:  so full of flavor and most of it is quite healthy so yummy

-Wii:  another addictive gaming system, and I can't help it I'm quite the competitive Mario Party player lol

-blogging: I do like it, even though I'm sporatic about it, I'm too opinionated to not have some sort of desire to blog

-iPod:  I don't know what I'd do without it, being able to carry around all my music in a device the same size as my Blackberry is so appealing, music is so important to me and the portability of it allows me to have the soundtrack of my life with me always

-World of Warcraft:  a very addictive MMORPG thats fun to play and has introduced me to a  lot of cool new people www.worldofwarcraft.com

-Australia:  a beautiful country I wouldn't mind living there or even just visiting

-Dexter:  he's smart, sexy and a serial killer that kills serial killers, this show is twisted and I love it

-Weeds:  a suburban housewife dealing drugs to other middle aged suburbanites, whats not to love

-True Blood: it may have just started up, but I'm really starting to like this show

Well...my meds just kicked in so I'm starting to feel a little loopy, so I'm going t end this here.

More later


Rest in peace Paul Newman, you were a screen legend and a wonderful human being.

This has been a year full of death, so many talented and wonderful people have left us.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Funny...but makes me want to beef up my internet security...

I lurk on a variety of internet forums and a few days ago someone posted a rumor about Sarah Palin having AND using a private Yahoo email address to conduct State business as the Govenor of Alaska. People of course posted comments about how humorous it would be if someone hacked into said account.

Well apparently someone did it.

Sarah Palin's email WAS hacked and various screenshots of different emails have been posted all over the internet.

Needless to say the FBI is now involved in the investigation.

But honestly...how could an elected official, someone who the Republican party think is capable of being our next Vice President be foolish enough to use a Yahoo email account instead of a secure government account to conduct state business? I mean really...

Is she going to be held accountable for creating this security risk? I know at the various companies I've worked for accessing/using private email at work is forbidden, partially for this reason. It creates an issue of security.

Was Palin sending emails she didn't want the Alaska state officals to be able to keep tabs on?

And what sort of message does this send out to the American voters? Do they really want someone in office who puts highly important, private information in a public Yahoo account?

I mean Sarah Palin certainly has plenty of other faults, but do we want our government secrets and happenings sent out from an unsecure email addy, I think not lol...

And yes, before you flame me I know that even public email addys have security. But obviously not good enough security if some bored hacker was able to crack it.

And I know exactly how the Republicans are going to spin this....they are going to blame the Internet, blame hackers and demand closer monitoring and restrictions on the Internet.

We've already lost economic security because of the Republican party...I really don't want "Big Brother" monitoring my Internet activity more than they already are, worrying about spy ware, viruses and key loggers is bad enough. I don't want to have to worry about having an FBI file or something somewhere tracking my Internet history. For while I may not be a hacker or a pedophile or anything like that, I'm still a liberal, opinionated, bisexual college student who would rather keep her private business private.

True Blood

So I'v now watched two episodes of the new HBO series "True Blood" from Alan Ball (Six Feet Under) based off the Charline Harris Sookie Stackhouse novels. I'm a huge fan of the whole vampire mythos and usually like a lot of the vampire pop culture...from Buffy and Angel to Trinity Blood (an anime series to those who don't know). I've read most vampire literature from Bram Stoker to Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer, I recall flipping through a Sookie Stackhouse novel at Borders one night and picking Twilight instead. And I don't regret that choice one bit.

However, I do enjoy True Blood. I think its an interesting take on the genre and I think that it has a wonderful cast. And I'm happy that HBO has decided to go ahead and sign it for a second season already. Although I'm a little disappointed that a great show like "Moonlight" got canned after a wonderful first season, and there are a lot of rabid fans that feel the same way. But perhaps its the fact that vampires are such sexual and sometimes violent creatures that we're able to see it played out better on a premium channel like HBO than on network tv? But its good to see that series like True Blood and books like Meyer's Twilight saga (in theaters 11-21-08!!!) are bringing vampires back into popularity. After all who wouldn't want Edward Cullen or Bill Compton nuzzling up against them at night ^_^

More later :)

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Good news, bad news?

Apparently Sony has just locked in Toby Maguire and director Sam Rami for a fourth and fifth installments in the Spiderman franchise. After the 3rd film (a total disaster in my opinion) which turned Peter Parker into "emo Spidey" and totally downplayed the whole Venom storyline (which was always one of my favorites in the comics) I'm skeptical of how good a 4th and 5th film could be. At the moment Kirsten Dunst isn't signed to reprise her role as Mary Jane, and I'm not too upset about that at the moment. Dunst is an ok actress, but I never really saw her as Mary Jane. She's too awkward looking and Mary Jane was supposed to be this sexpot, in the comics she always exuded sexuality and confidence. In the films she came off as unsure and lost. So if they replace Dunst it might be for the best. I'm really curious what villains they are planning on using in the next two films. Only time and casting will tell if I decide to buy my ticket or not. But to be honest, as much as I like Spiderman, there are other superheroes that I would rather see on film than more films in a drowning franchise.