Today my mother told me to stop being so idealistic.
I have never really considered myself an idealist, more of a realist, but that’s beside the point. I had gone to my doctor today to receive the results of my MRI and was appalled by the demeanor of my doctor. He had seemed a bit cold during my first visit there but I had put it off on the notion that perhaps he was having a bad day. However today he slunk into my room with the same apathetic look on his face, he did not make eye contact, he never smiled or tried to initiate any sort of conversation, he didn’t even show me my MRI films. Instead he sat in his chair and crossed his legs, allowing one of his loafers to dangle off his foot while he rushed through my list of options, brushing off any questions or concerns I had as unimportant. The man spent about 5 minutes with me, wrote a prescription then stood at the counter and joked around with a colleague while I stood there waiting for him to write a note about my limitations for work.
Do people not become doctors anymore because they genuinely want to help people? Are they only in it for the money and the prestige of the title? I honestly think that he cared more about what he was having for lunch today than if I can ever walk normally again. So if my mother thinks I’m an idealist for expecting my doctor to at least be polite and pretend to care then this world has become an even more cold and horrible place than I had initially thought and I don’t think I’m going to procreate, why bring children into a world where no one cares?
On another note, Adrian was kind enough to come over today and help me move my furniture and belongings into the larger bedroom that my sister vacated since moving downtown earlier this month. It was a very kind thing of him to do, especially since I’m unable to do the lifting myself at the moment (maybe the world isn’t ALL bad?). Anyways, my parents came home and started on dinner, and I did nothing to imply that Adrian would be staying for dinner, but my mother blew up at me regardless saying that I made her look bad and that I needed to give her more notice if I would be having people over (please note that my mother suggested Adrian helping me do this today). So I left, angry and embarrassed and took Adrian out for food on me as a thank you for helping me out. Later this evening my mother “apologized” for her outburst but told me that I was rude to think that Adrian could just stay for dinner without any notice. I politely pointed out that she, like always, made too much food anyways and that there would have been more than enough for a guest, and also that since he had been kind enough to help out around the house it would have only been polite to offer. This of course made her upset again and she told me that it’s not expected to provide food for guests all the time. And of course since I can’t keep my mouth shut I told her that if this was my house I would have made sure he had something to drink (she never offered that either) and I would have insisted he stay for dinner to thank him for helping out. This of course made her even more upset so I dropped the issue and went upstairs to continue putting things away.
But I have to ask, is it not polite to offer at least some sort of refreshment to a guest, especially if the guest is performing manual labor (i.e. moving heavy furniture upstairs)? Again, maybe this is just another indication of the downward spiral of society? Gone are the days of making iced tea and lemonade for the gardeners or offering the neighbor boy who helped mend the fence to stay for supper.
A final point on a similar matter is the issue of friendship. I’ve noticed that as we age friendships become even more fleeting. While my social circle once contained upwards of twenty people I’m now lucky if I have 2 or 3 people I can truly call friends. I realize that we now have more responsibilities, but is that any reason that you can’t take the time to return a phone call or an email from someone who is supposed to be your friend? So many people who used to be my best of friends, who I’d gossip with over drinks, go shopping with or go out dancing with are now wrapped up in their own little worlds that they can’t even take five minutes out of their day to make a phone call or a text message to catch up. I have friends that I was inseparable with; who I haven’t seen in six months or more and the only way I catch up with them is by checking for updates and pictures on their MySpace or Facebook page. And it makes me sad. Sad to think that friendships can be so fickle. That I’m so unimportant in your life. That I mean so little that when you hear that I’ve gone to the hospital and that I’m getting MRIs you can’t even find a moment to ask if I’m alright. Or that my birthday is next week and you haven’t even asked if I had any plans. It’s not my intention to guilt trip anyone or get a rush of messages from people who “care” because I’m sorry but a message in response to a blog inspired by guilt is not what I’m after. I don’t want messages from people telling me how busy they’ve been saying let’s catch up soon because you know what it never happens.
The world has become a horrible place. And the people who live in it are self absorbed, rude and greedy. And to be honest I think I’m better off alone. At least I know the books I read are works of fiction; it’s a hard reality when you realize that the relationships you thought were real were nothing more than figments of your imagination.